Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
