Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
