she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
