tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
