If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
