So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
