i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
