suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
