you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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