No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
