I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
