I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
