RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
