you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
