i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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