I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize