BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
