Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
