Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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