ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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