Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
