Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
