Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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