Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
