why didn't you poke me back
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
