Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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