It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
