do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
