I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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