fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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