worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
