The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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