So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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