i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
