2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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