Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
