Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
