Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's the barista slut.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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