smell my finger.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
