But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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