I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
