so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
