So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You smell like stripper and shame
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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