Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
