Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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