hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
