i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
