my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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