I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
