He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
