Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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