There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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