Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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