I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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