I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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