Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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