Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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