Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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