He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
