It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
