I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
