i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
