It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
