My cat gives me a boner
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
