I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
