Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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