yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
