It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
