it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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