They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
