I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
