Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
