Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize