You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
