batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
