I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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